True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
As shirtless as possible
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Text me some of your sweat
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
