I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
