yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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