THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
