I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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