YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
