I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.