Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.

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  (816): I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else. http://tfl.nu/ftgf
  Replies (8) Good night (780) Bad night (1401)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding

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  (443): You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding http://tfl.nu/vxqr
  Replies (51) Good night (871) Bad night (7372)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.

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  (505): you were trying to give my penis an indian burn. http://tfl.nu/5vh0
  Replies (36) Good night (891) Bad night (8679)
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  (347): View more from New York

  How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"

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  (347): How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka" http://tfl.nu/7oja
  Replies (6) Good night (5216) Bad night (965)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.

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  (423): Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in. http://tfl.nu/i926
  Replies (16) Good night (3210) Bad night (1099)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing

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  (443): this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing http://tfl.nu/c7lz
  Replies (23) Good night (6124) Bad night (1624)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong

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  (704): we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong http://tfl.nu/wuam
  Replies (3) Good night (2496) Bad night (1157)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.

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  (313): In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact. http://tfl.nu/ir67
  Replies (12) Good night (2220) Bad night (1043)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  $200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.

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  (724): $200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm. http://tfl.nu/59s4
  Replies (9) Good night (1803) Bad night (568)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent

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  (651): Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent http://tfl.nu/399q
  Replies (5) Good night (1781) Bad night (562)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now

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  (712): I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now http://tfl.nu/qxxb
  Replies (6) Good night (625) Bad night (837)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after

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  (403): His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after http://tfl.nu/sq85
  Replies (5) Good night (366) Bad night (823)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.

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  (330): If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest. http://tfl.nu/8ghs
  Replies (2) Good night (813) Bad night (306)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.

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  (303): He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog. http://tfl.nu/knm0
  Replies (0) Good night (259) Bad night (433)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.

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  (864): I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know. http://tfl.nu/mesp
  Replies (3) Good night (628) Bad night (332)

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