I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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