My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*