You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
