I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
