Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
