You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
