He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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