I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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