Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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