I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
