Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
