would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
