That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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