I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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