So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
