He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
foreskin is a definite game changer
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
