Whod you bang
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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