She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
