grandma shit on top of the toilet
one might say we're banned from that church
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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