He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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