i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
