You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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