i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize