So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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