I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
