I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I think my moral compass just broke
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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