If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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