If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I touched a dick in church today
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize