You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
