My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
