Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
zippers are such a cool invention
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
