Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
This girl is more easily done than said...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
