Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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