The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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