Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
