Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
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