I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
