What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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