I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
