Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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