I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
