So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice