Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave