she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
