we're blogging at a bar
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
