there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
