i already hear my dad disowning me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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