Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Randomize
