I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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