I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
