okay pat passed out under dana's car
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
