Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
