i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
