If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
