She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
